Dreamer of Impossible Dreams

Home How did my home become this? How did my greatest and worst fears go from falling and heights and monsters in my closet; To footsteps outside my bedroom door To unexpected calls, To talking to people even if they are my closest friends? To buying stuff in stores, To failing school, To sharing my creations of writing and art? To eating in front of people, To walking down the street, To laughter and gossip behind my back? How did my greatest fears turn into the home that occupies my mind as the anxiety and panic that I feel 24/7?

Dedicated to Evelyn Rose My 10 year old sister Love you loads little sister Be strong Evelyn. Nobody seems to understand You are here, you are strong, you are beautiful. Perhaps they may say mean words that make you cry Maybe they make you hate everything around you. But don’t be afraid, You have an army of angels watching over you. You have your mommy, and your big sister who will fight away anyone who says different. Nothing outside can cure you, but everything that matters is inside your heart. Your Heavenly Father, your mommy, your big sisters and big brother. We are all waiting for you with open arms and waiting to give you the tightest hug we can. You have gotten this far, you can make it to the end. You teach so much because of your unique perspective. I always brag about how special and strong you are and everyone always says how fun and unique and beautiful person you sound. Perhaps this is why you strive for knowledge and fun. Perhaps ...

People say depression or suicide attempts are something you can just get over. Something that is just meaningless, forgotten. People are told to be selfless, not selfish. People are told to put others before themselves, that they themselves don’t matter if you don’t help others. If you don’t help others then you are a self-centered, selfish, idiotic, pig who only cares about yourself. But then they turn around and ignore everyone who needs their help, that they can help but just walk past. They completely ignore people who are striving to accept themselves for who they are and instead break them down like a trash compactor crushing garbage. She was 8 years old when she talked about running away from home because she wanted a different family. She said she didn’t want us as her family. It was several hours of screaming and crying and punching before she calmed down and apologizes but the wounds and bruises didn’t fade. She was 9 years old when she tried to kill...