Dreamer of Impossible Dreams

Home How did my home become this? How did my greatest and worst fears go from falling and heights and monsters in my closet; To footsteps outside my bedroom door To unexpected calls, To talking to people even if they are my closest friends? To buying stuff in stores, To failing school, To sharing my creations of writing and art? To eating in front of people, To walking down the street, To laughter and gossip behind my back? How did my greatest fears turn into the home that occupies my mind as the anxiety and panic that I feel 24/7?

Dedicated to Evelyn Rose My 10 year old sister Love you loads little sister Be strong Evelyn. Nobody seems to understand You are here, you are strong, you are beautiful. Perhaps they may say mean words that make you cry Maybe they make you hate everything around you. But don’t be afraid, You have an army of angels watching over you. You have your mommy, and your big sister who will fight away anyone who says different. Nothing outside can cure you, but everything that matters is inside your heart. Your Heavenly Father, your mommy, your big sisters and big brother. We are all waiting for you with open arms and waiting to give you the tightest hug we can. You have gotten this far, you can make it to the end. You teach so much because of your unique perspective. I always brag about how special and strong you are and everyone always says how fun and unique and beautiful person you sound. Perhaps this is why you strive for knowledge and fun. Perhaps ...

People say depression or suicide attempts are something you can just get over. Something that is just meaningless, forgotten. People are told to be selfless, not selfish. People are told to put others before themselves, that they themselves don’t matter if you don’t help others. If you don’t help others then you are a self-centered, selfish, idiotic, pig who only cares about yourself. But then they turn around and ignore everyone who needs their help, that they can help but just walk past. They completely ignore people who are striving to accept themselves for who they are and instead break them down like a trash compactor crushing garbage. She was 8 years old when she talked about running away from home because she wanted a different family. She said she didn’t want us as her family. It was several hours of screaming and crying and punching before she calmed down and apologizes but the wounds and bruises didn’t fade. She was 9 years old when she tried to kill...

Sometimes things change Sometimes those we love cross the Rainbow Bridge It’s always sad As if a part of our hearts have went with them We all have to leave at some point But leaving doesn’t mean goodbye That includes you I will always remember you I will keep you in my heart I will remember everything I have shared All those moments that spanned over your lifetime I hope you can see me from your place in the white clouds above I hope you will greet me when it’s my time to leave this mortal life So I want you to know, before I let you go I love you with all my heart and will always remember you Just so you know Leaving doesn’t mean goodbye

So bear with me, this was written in like 20 minutes so..... yeah. It's a story idea I'm playing around with, I may or may not continue writing this. Everyone thinks they could cheat death at some time in their short lives. Some try and find ways to do it. They try to find the Fountain of Youth, they try and make a Philosopher’s Stone, but alas all attempts at immortality is a failure. No one can cheat death, no one. But there is a tale of someone not cheating death, no they embraced it with open arms and instead of fighting the Grim Reaper, they gave him something. They gave him a child. ~~~~~ It was in the dead of winter, a young woman sat in the fetal position in an alleyway. The woman was shivering violently, a tattered dress and shawl being her only source of warmth. Her once pretty blonde curls lay tangled around her face, her face gaunt and green eyes sunken. A racking cough made her tip over as the force of her cough was to much for her body to bear. S...

This kinda just happened? I don't really know but I used to do basketball so this is what happened and stuff. The smell of sweat and Gatorade. The squeaking of $100 and $200 shoes on the linoleum floor. The bright gym lights burning the eyes. A ball being caught by a hand and swishing through a net. I love it. Hearing the shouts of people on the sidelines. Feeling the fabric of the jersey itching your neck. Tasting the cool water and sweat on your tongue. Feeling the burning in your limbs and the claps of your teammates against your back as you score. I yearn for it. Tears burn my eyes. My chest spasms as I try not to cry. My hands are clasped and hurt when I dig my nails into my palms. My brand new ball rolls in the corner where I had kicked it in my anger and frustration. I stop trying not to cry and I let my tears fall. I didn't make it, the basketball team. I remember the shock of reading the paper without my name on it. I remember that no matter how hard...

Where am I in this dark endless tunnel? Am I still even alive? I do not know. Is there a light? I wander alone and afraid of the monsters in the dark They whisper and pull me towards them I feel my resolve weakening and I cry out: “Where is the light at the end of this tunnel?!” I am almost consumed by the darkness ‘You are alone” the voices whisper and I start to believe them Will the whispers go away? Where is the light at the end of this tunnel? There! The precious light! Oh how the warmth warms my face It chases the darkness and the whispers away from me It reaches out a welcoming hand and says in a still small voice “Welcome Daughter, welcome home” I run into the welcoming arms of the light at the end of this tunnel of life and cry out “Thank you, thank you!” The light smiles and embraces me “You have made it to the end of the tunnel, you are home”

Yay another poem by me! Well this one is a bit depressing but you know what? I don't care! Enjoy! Today I face the lion. The lion wakes, it roars and tears at me with savage teeth and words I try to fight by barricading myself in armor The lion rips it off, says I can’t fight it. I’m the gazelle. The lion’s prey and I can’t do anything I get hopeful one day, when the lion isn’t as brutal But the next day the lion is twice as savage Ripping me into shreds and tiny pieces Today I try and talk to the lion But it simply laughed at my words. Telling me I didn’t understand I’ll never escape from this lion, it’s been with me and says it always will It says I don’t understand what I myself am saying I try to argue back But the lion simply tore me into pieces Everyday I face the same fate. Get up, try to fight the lion, get torn into pieces, get put back together with pieces that aren’t me Repeat I am slowly losing myself to the lion Slowly lo...